The waiting is definitely the hardest part. For some reason I was delusional and thought it wouldn’t be as hard for me to wait this time. Yeah, I was wrong. I feel like every day I’m calculating where my body is at in the process and whether or not it’s reasonable for me to take an at-home pregnancy test. I’m trying SO hard to be patient. But it’s not easy.
Not to mention, I have a friend, Kristy, who recently did IVF and is pregnant with twins, and she’s always egging me on to test. I adore her, but I also want to punch her. Ha ha! I’ve been really busy lately, so it’s helped to put it off. Although, even in my busy days I’m able to find plenty of time to mull it over again…and again…and again. I find myself questioning everything I feel – for good or bad. It causes this hyper-sensitive awareness of self. It’s actually pretty annoying.
This morning I told the hubs I really wanted to take a test. He said, “No. Not for 10 days. Wait until Friday or Saturday.” I sighed and said ok. A bit later I got a text from a different friend who has also done IVF (gosh I have a lot of those!) and she asked when my blood test was. After texting with her, I was looking at what I had written the last IVF cycle when I got pregnant. The first two times I did it, I hadn’t even thought about doing an at-home test. I guess I thought the blood test was the earliest detection. However, last time I called the nurse to ask her a question and she happened to ask if I had taken a pregnancy test. I said, “I can?” So the next day I did and it was positive. This was only two days before my blood test though. And right now I’m still a week away.
Shortly after reading through this, my good friend, Natalie, who has watched my kids for all of my many, many appointments asked if I had taken a test. I told her no. Within 30 minutes of that, I heard from my IVF friend, Kristy, that is always tempting me to take a test. For some reason, her text triggered a serious impulse in me and I walked straight to my bathroom and grabbed my early detection test.
I sat anxiously watching the timer on the test telling myself, “Patience is a virtue….You should just throw it away and not even look….Yeah right, you’ll just dig through the trash later….Sigh. Why did I do this?”
And then it popped.
I smiled SO big, jumped up and down, and said a quick but heartfelt prayer of thanks to God. Then I immediately texted the picture to the hubs. …he didn’t respond. So I called him. …he didn’t answer. So I called again. And he answered. This was our conversation:
Me: Did you get the text I sent? Hubs: I would assume so. Let me check…I’m not seeing anything…. (silence) You took a test?!?! (in that semi-angry, accusatory I-told-you-not-until-Friday way). Me: Yep! Hubs: What does it even mean? Me: Uh…That I’m 1-2 weeks pregnant. Hubs: But is it even accurate? Are the hormones out of your body? Me: Yes, they would be by now. Hubs: Why did they say to wait 10 days then? Me: So you don’t get a false-negative and freak out. Hubs: Well… Me: I’m going to call someone else who will give me a happier response. Hubs: Sorry. Congrats, babe.
Sigh. Silly, practical husbands. 🙂 But it’s ok. I’m way too excited to be annoyed. And besides, I found him amusing and endearing.
I have to share this other story. I told my friend, Natalie, about my results since she had just asked me about testing. She was so sweet and happy, crying when I told her. Within 20 minutes she sent me this text:
“Got this when I cut into my egg today. I think it’s a sign. Except there should be 6.”
I laughed so hard! It’s so great having such awesome friends. But really, everyone – stop wishing for any more than 1-2 children. 😉
So now I wait for my blood test. It will be in a week, and should give me some kind of idea as to if there are multiples or not. If the HCG level is exceptionally high, it’s likely there’s more than one. After that test, I will have a follow up with my doctor to have an ultrasound and check for the heartbeat(s). So a lot more waiting and nervousness. It’s hard not being paranoid of miscarriage. It is always a very real possibility. For now, I’m trying my best to just be happy, have faith, and enjoy the moment.