US #2

I was so anxious for my appointment this morning. The doctor said that I have a number of follicles, but that they just aren’t doing much. Only a couple of them have started to grow, and all of them are under 10mm. As I recall from previous cycles, they like them to grow to at least around 18 – 20mm before triggering for harvest. So I asked him why he thought I was having problems.

He said that it’s either my body or the medication. The medications came from a local pharmacy, and everyone else who is on the same cycle at the office and got them from there, seem to be doing fine. I’ve stored them correctly, so that shouldn’t be a problem either. He said that there is some research that shows women may respond better when the shots are done intramuscularly, which I have been doing for the past two days. Then he mentioned that the Lupron (used to suppress ovulation) could be over-suppressing my body and causing it to not respond. So he said he’d like me to stop taking the Lupron and continue for a couple more days on the Bravelle. I asked him what he thought if my hormone levels still come back low. He said that he thought it would be worthwhile to see how stopping the Lupron does, as he thinks we can still salvage this cycle if I start to respond in the next couple days.

I must have looked sad because he put his arm around me, gave me a tight squeeze and told me to hang in there. I don’t know why I’m so upset. I don’t know if it’s because if we end this cycle and start fresh in a couple months, that we dropped another 4-6k down the drain. Or if it’s something deeper…. My doctor said that sometimes a batch of follicles/eggs just don’t respond and that another month might be totally different. But I think there’s a part of me that worries I’m defective now. And that feels frustrating. I’ve lost 40lbs in the last 18 months and I am far healthier than I was when we did this in the past. So I just don’t understand why my body has decided not to do what it knows how to do.

IVF is hard to go through, no matter what. And I know we have been incredibly blessed to have two successful IVF rounds right off the bat. So maybe now it scares me that this is just the beginning of continued failures. So I had myself a good cry on the way home.

I waited all day to hear back from the office regarding my hormone levels from my blood draw. I left a message on the nurses’ voicemail around 4:45PM, but the main line had said they were closed. I figured they must have gone home early for the holiday and I just wouldn’t hear back from them. Finally around 7:30PM a nurse called me back. She said that my hormone levels came back at 48. Today my doctor said he was hoping they’d be around 50. So they almost doubled and are doing much better. I hope it is a response to doing the medication intramuscularly, and that maybe stopping the Lupron will help even more. I’m trying not to be overly optimistic, but I’m grateful that there was a positive change today. We shall see what Black Friday brings. 😉

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