I’ve been meaning to do an update for a few days, and as is such with the IVF process – a lot happens in a few days. So I’ll just group it all together. Last Friday was my first appointment post starting medications. I was on birth control for the majority of this month (surprisingly I was not quite as much of a she-beast as last time, although I did have a bit of nausea) and started Lupron a couple weeks ago. Friday was my first ultrasound (US) and blood draw. The ultrasound is to check your lining and ovaries. My doctor mentioned that I had a small cyst on one of my ovaries. He said he wanted to make sure it wasn’t producing any hormones (estrogen), which would determine if we continued with this cycle or have to wait for the next month. This immediately caused concern for me, but I decided to wait patiently for the call from the nurse regarding my blood work. Later that afternoon I received a voicemail that said my numbers looked great and we continued. I let out an audible “YES!” I was very happy to be able to continue and not wait another couple months (we’ll be gone for Christmas) to start again. That night I started my stimulation medications. Here’s a picture of most of my medications, syringes, needles, etc. I was told to do 5 vials of Bravelle in the morning and 5 at night. But since I didn’t get my medication until that afternoon, I did 10 the first night. The way you get it all set for injection, is you draw up 1/2 ml of low-dose HCG and put it into the first vial of Bravelle (which has a powdered version of the drug that needs to be reconstituted with liquid). Then you draw up the liquid and insert it into the second vial of Bravelle. You continue this process until all 10 vials have been reconstituted and drawn up into the 1/2 ml of liquid in the syringe. Well, I was on vial number nine and I was worried I was not getting every drop out of each vial and was losing medication. I was trying to be super careful about getting more and in the process, the needle slipped out of the rubber stopper while I was drawing the medication out. I guess because there was a bit of an air vacuum going on, the pressure caused it to squirt medication out of the top when this happened. I freaked out. Liquid drops of GOLD (ok…not gold…just about $200 worth of medication) was all over my hands and starting to dry up. I did my best to recover what I could, but about 1/2 of my medication was gone. I called my office and they got me in touch with the on-call doc. It just so happened to be my doctor. He kept trying to figure out how the medication sprayed everywhere then said, “I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter how it happened. Just take the remainder of what you have and it will be like you missed a dose today.” I was feeling horribly about messing it up, but also was grateful it was on my first dose of medication rather than in the middle of the process when it might affect it more. After that, however, I asked the hubs to mix all my shots for me. Today, I went in for another blood draw. I received a call from the nurse that evening. She said that my doctor was concerned that my numbers didn’t go up as much as he wanted and that he wants to keep my on the same (high dose) of Bravelle AND asked that I do the shot intramuscularly instead. (I have been doing them sub-cutaneously into the fatty tissue of my stomach. It’s a tiny, little needle and doesn’t really hurt at all. Intramuscular means it has to go deep into my hip with a loooooong, bigger needle. It doesn’t feel good.) I mentioned I hadn’t done my shot for the morning when my blood work was done. She said that wouldn’t have changed it much. That typically they want to see the baseline number (of whatever hormone they are looking at) double. She said mine went from 25 to 26.3. She said to continue as directed and we’ll check back at my next US on Wednesday. I’m feeling awful about this. I realize there is nothing I can do to change it, and it is what it is. But all I can do is worry. I’m worried that I’m going to need a ton more (expensive) medication. I’m worried about hyper-stimulation if I have so much medication. I’m worried that there is now not just the concern of the hubs’ sperm, but now that there’s also some problem with my body and it’s not responding how it should. I’m worried that I screwed things up by missing that first dose. I’m worried that we won’t get very many eggs from this harvest. I’m worried that we’re going to have to scrap this IVF cycle and start all over again. I’m just sick with worry…and there’s nothing I can do but wait. I knew this process caused a variety of emotions. We certainly aren’t new to this. I guess I just wasn’t expecting all of this so early on. …and that worries me.